Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
