Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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