is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she smelled like a LAN party
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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