Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
