When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
