I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
