my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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