I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
