i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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