He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
