I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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