My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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