Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
