I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
