but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
