walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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