Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
