I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
