Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
