So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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