hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
