i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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