and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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