You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
