I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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