She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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