i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
