Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
