She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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