Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize