Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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