Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
