He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
