I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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