I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
