Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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