so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
