That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
