He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
