fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize