omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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