cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
