shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
