I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
