i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
