You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
