hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
