Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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