I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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