I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
