I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst night to have a conscience
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
