if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
