I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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