I don't usually arrange sex via text message
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
