I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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