shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
