shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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