when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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