I can't watch pbs sober anymore
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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