I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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