i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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