I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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