I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
