She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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