Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
