I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
