everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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