its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
