If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
