That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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