Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
