So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
