yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
