I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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