Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
