So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
