From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
