I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
