oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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