i just google imaged poop.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
