I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize