weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
