I just saw a hot homeless man
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
