How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
