everyone is single if you try hard enough
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
